Beginning to get at the older oils
I had a small pond in Brooklyn - here is a series of paintings done in one day standing out side noticing the light and colors changing.. They are 8"x10" and on canvas board. Very fun. It is exciting to see this work again. Much more coming out of storage, into the light, on to raw files, into photo shop and on to the web page. I will have to think about how to organize them so it makes sense. I think these were done in 1992 - no doubt on a Saturday or Holiday from teaching.
When I was at Yale, one of the grad students at her critique was asked what she was doing -- "I'm going for God!" She cried out, almost choking on the words - meaning she wanted it all - the whole deal - the meaning of life the universe and everything. I want that, too. But just as she was flustered and emotional when she blurted that statement out, it is hard for me to say, too. Difficult to believe in oneself with the drumbeats pounding in our psyche saying- You are not better than anyone else –who put those ideas in your head? - What makes you think you’re special? – And honestly for a woman of my generation – the message is very mixed with ‘besides, you’re just a girl.’
None the less – I can paint. I simply do it. It’s in me. In essence, I need to work – and part of that work is to get the images ‘out there’ In order to do this I need to also face the fact that the project is daunting and I am fearful. But keeping an eye on the rear-view mirror can help us move forward.
It is time to believe in the work and see where it can go. It’s time to dream crazy. It’s time for the audacity of aspiration. It’s about trying as hard as you can to do what you love and believe in. It’s not a hobby, it’s not relaxing, it’s not just expressing your self - it’s a vision of quality.
It is the pursuit of that vision that makes my work worthy of being seen.
this section is devoted to what's on my mind - and reflections of the process of being an artist and blogging about it. - Ann Heideman